The 12 Life Changing Lessons I've Learned Through 12 Years of Being Paralyzed

Today is the 12 year anniversary of the day I broke my back and became paralyzed. This day is no different from any other day, but it feels strange. There is a weight to it that’s hard to describe. I have a feeling like a burning within me. These types of feelings can either be stuffed down or used as fuel for a blazing fire. I figured I would use this one as an opportunity to reflect and then share some of the lessons I’ve learned through 12 years of being paralyzed. That leads me to the first lesson.

1. Feelings are meant to lead us into action. 

When we feel anger, it is meant to drive us to fix injustice or protect the vulnerable. When we feel sadness, it is there to cause us to rest and reflect. When we feel anxiety, it is meant to get us to create or pursue. Our emotions are not bad in themselves. We just have to use them correctly. My tendency was to feel emotion but not have any idea what was going on. This can lead to pain, frustration, and even physical illness. The better option is to let our emotions drive us to positive action.

2. It is not possible to control people. 

Free will is something that God has granted us, and we each have the ability to exercise it. There have been many times where something about a person or their actions has bothered me and I tried to convince them to change. It almost never ends well. Learn to let go of trying to control others and accept them for who they are. This is the only way love can penetrate your relationships.

3.Don’t worry about what other people think about you. 

If someone thinks something negative about the way you are, they are often projecting some negative feeling about themselves onto you. Their judgements about you are often wrong anyways. Learn to get comfortable with yourself and try to be as authentic as possible. Being authentic is the only way to actually receive love. If you know you aren’t presenting your true self towards others, you can’t receive love because you will believe that the other person is only loving the version of yourself that you are presenting.

4.Travel alone from time to time. 

It will help you understand who you truly are. When you travel by yourself, you get to see what kind of decisions you make when there is no pressure from others to conform to something else. For example, if you are in a group, you might want to get burgers for dinner, but you know that others like pizza more, and your decisions will be influenced by the group. When you are alone, you can choose to eat where you want, go where you want, and do what you want. This isn’t a long term thing. It’s just a way to discover your true identity. You can explore yourself without feeling like you have to meet the expectations of the people who know you already.

5. Community is one of the most valuable things on the planet. 

On the opposite side of knowing who you are, you also have to find your place within a tribe. Going through this life alone is a difficult and wearisome task. No matter how many material possessions or incredible opportunities you have, they won’t mean anything if you can’t experience them with other people. If you can find people that are humble, joyful, and have a desire to grow, you will be blessed. Toxic people can drain the life out of you, but good people will lift you up and get you through just about any trial or tribulation.

6. When you don’t know what to do, pray. 

Sometimes you will find yourself in a moment of confusion or inhibition. Maybe there is something chaotic happening around you, or you are stuck with multiple options and you don’t know which to choose. Pray. Ask Abba what you should do in that moment. It’s good to intentionally set aside time to pray, but it can be even more powerful to stop what you are doing and take a moment to ask Abba for guidance. When you do, observe and watch the energy of everything change. This is often where breakthrough happens. Don’t just strive through everything in your own strength. If you’re struggling, pray.

7. When things are going well, pray. 

Give thanks to our Abba for all the blessings He has given you. It is easy to pray when you’re at the end of your rope. In that situation, it might be the only thing you can do. However, it’s important to maintain a good relationship with Abba in all seasons. When things are going well, it can be easy to forget that Abba is behind it all, so it is important to make time for Him. Spend time listening to His voice and giving Him thanks.

8. Don’t put important things off until later. 

Time will pass and you will never actually get to them. There have been multiple times where I wanted to go on a trip and see the mountains or visit a friend and it seemed like I didn’t have the time or money. Almost every time I put it off until later, it didn’t happen. When I decided to plan it and go for it, it almost always worked out. Obviously, don’t put yourself in a horrible situation that you won’t be able to get out of, but take some risks and enjoy life. It’s too short to sit around wishing you could be doing something else. Go. Move. Try. It doesn’t have to break the bank. It could be exploring a new park or inviting a friend to do something. Set some experience goals and just do them.

9. Don’t worry or be anxious. 

I know, easier said than done, but it’s true. Worry and anxiety are almost never warranted. It’s one thing to experience fear if a tiger is chasing you. It’s something else when you are in a constant state of anxiety over little things that might not even happen. That is no way to live. Things will work out. Put your faith in God and let it all go. Bad things will happen. Good things will happen. Try to be content in whatever situation you’re in. Learn to solve problems in the moment. This will lead to better adaptability and more peace.

10. Enjoy the process. 

No matter what kind of endeavor you begin, there will always be someone ahead of you at the beginning. It is easy to fall into comparison and get discouraged. You might start to think you’re not good enough. However, if you make your goal to be great at the process, that stuff quickly disappears. It doesn’t matter if you are the best guitar player. Your goal is to be great at practicing the guitar. Ironically, getting good at processes will lead to better end results.

11. It’s ok to ask for help. 

When I first became paralyzed, I wanted to do everything on my own. It was understandable. My abilities had just been significantly reduced and I needed to figure out what I could do, and I wanted to prove that I could still be independent. However, as time went on, I realized that total independence is a fantasy anyways, and that everyone needs help at some point. The more you allow people to help, the deeper your relationships will grow. It is a tool for growing in humility and love. 

12. Life is a blessing and a gift.

One of the first thoughts I had after waking up after my accident was, “I’ve been given a second chance.” I had no idea what that chance was at the time, but I had an intuitive understanding that being alive after what had happened was a special opportunity. Don’t waste your life. Don’t waste it doing nothing. Don’t waste it on pleasure. Don’t waste it working a job you hate. Don’t waste it being sucked into the internet. Don’t waste it being around bitter people who hold you back. Don’t waste it through fear or hopelessness. Spend your life trying to love as much as you can. Do things that grow that love. Gather experiences and explore the world around you. Life is a blessing and a gift.